Scraps of the Soul: Poetry - Os signos e o amor.- Astrological signs a...: "aries Sou como um louco, Ou uma criança, Quando quero, quero muito, Quando não quero, Nao venhas, Sou fogo, Sou chama, Enquanto vivo, Eu ar..."
Monday, August 15, 2011
SCRAPS OF THE SOUL - CLARICE LISPECTOR
SO DEEP!!!!
“I have hidden a love fearing to lose it;
I have lost a love because I hid it.
I held the hands of someone because I feared;
I have feared so much that I barely felt my hands.
I have ostracized people I loved from my life;
I have regretted it.
I have passed nights crying until I slept;
I have gone to sleep so happy that I couldn’t keep my eyes closed.
I have believed in perfect love;
I have discovered it doesn’t exist.
I have loved people that failed me;
I have failed people that loved me.
I have passed many hours in front of the mirror trying to discover who I am;
I have had such a certainty of me that I wanted to disappear.
I have lied and regretted afterwards,
I have spoken the truth and also regretted it.
I have pretended to not give importance to people I loved,
Then, later I cried alone in a corner.
I have smiled while tears of sadness blurred my eyes,
I have cried because I laughed so hard.
I have believed in people that were not worthy it,
I have not believed in people that were.
I had laughter fits when I couldn’t.
I have broken glasses, plates and vases because I was angry.
I have longed for someone and never told the person.
I have screamed when I should have been quiet;
I have been quiet when I should scream.
Many times I didn’t speak my mind to be agreeable to some;
Other times, I said things I didn’t believe to hurt others.
I have pretended to be someone I am not to be agreeable to some;
I have pretended to be someone I am not to be disagreeable to others.
I have told bad jokes after bad jokes just to see a friend happy;
I have created stories with a happy ending just to give hope to someone that needed it.
I have dreamed so much that I have mistaken dreams with reality.
I have feared the darkness;
Now in the darkness I find myself, I crouch, and stay there.
I have fallen many times thinking I would never rise back.
I have risen many times thinking I would never fall again.
I have called people I didn’t want to call;
Just so I wouldn’t call those I did want to call.
I have ran, following a car, because it was taken away someone I loved.
I have called my mommy in the middle of the night, because of a nightmare.
But she didn’t come and it was an even worse nightmare.
I have called close people of friends and I discovered they were not friends.
Other people I have never called anything and they were always special in my life.
Don’t give me formulas to do what is right; I don’t expect to be always right.
Don’t show me what you expect from me, because I will always follow my heart.
Don’t make me to be what I am not; don’t invite me to be an equal, because honestly I am different. I don’t know how to love half; I don’t know how to live a lie; I don’t know how to fly with my feet in the ground.
I am always me; but certainly I am not going to be always the same.
I like the slower poisons, the bitterest drinks, the most powerful drugs, the craziest ideas, the most complex thoughts, and the stronger feelings. I have a huge appetite and crazy deliriums. You can even throw me from a mountain peak and I will tell you, so what, I love flying!
I have lost a love because I hid it.
I held the hands of someone because I feared;
I have feared so much that I barely felt my hands.
I have ostracized people I loved from my life;
I have regretted it.
I have passed nights crying until I slept;
I have gone to sleep so happy that I couldn’t keep my eyes closed.
I have believed in perfect love;
I have discovered it doesn’t exist.
I have loved people that failed me;
I have failed people that loved me.
I have passed many hours in front of the mirror trying to discover who I am;
I have had such a certainty of me that I wanted to disappear.
I have lied and regretted afterwards,
I have spoken the truth and also regretted it.
I have pretended to not give importance to people I loved,
Then, later I cried alone in a corner.
I have smiled while tears of sadness blurred my eyes,
I have cried because I laughed so hard.
I have believed in people that were not worthy it,
I have not believed in people that were.
I had laughter fits when I couldn’t.
I have broken glasses, plates and vases because I was angry.
I have longed for someone and never told the person.
I have screamed when I should have been quiet;
I have been quiet when I should scream.
Many times I didn’t speak my mind to be agreeable to some;
Other times, I said things I didn’t believe to hurt others.
I have pretended to be someone I am not to be agreeable to some;
I have pretended to be someone I am not to be disagreeable to others.
I have told bad jokes after bad jokes just to see a friend happy;
I have created stories with a happy ending just to give hope to someone that needed it.
I have dreamed so much that I have mistaken dreams with reality.
I have feared the darkness;
Now in the darkness I find myself, I crouch, and stay there.
I have fallen many times thinking I would never rise back.
I have risen many times thinking I would never fall again.
I have called people I didn’t want to call;
Just so I wouldn’t call those I did want to call.
I have ran, following a car, because it was taken away someone I loved.
I have called my mommy in the middle of the night, because of a nightmare.
But she didn’t come and it was an even worse nightmare.
I have called close people of friends and I discovered they were not friends.
Other people I have never called anything and they were always special in my life.
Don’t give me formulas to do what is right; I don’t expect to be always right.
Don’t show me what you expect from me, because I will always follow my heart.
Don’t make me to be what I am not; don’t invite me to be an equal, because honestly I am different. I don’t know how to love half; I don’t know how to live a lie; I don’t know how to fly with my feet in the ground.
I am always me; but certainly I am not going to be always the same.
I like the slower poisons, the bitterest drinks, the most powerful drugs, the craziest ideas, the most complex thoughts, and the stronger feelings. I have a huge appetite and crazy deliriums. You can even throw me from a mountain peak and I will tell you, so what, I love flying!
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